The 1980’s: Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

The 1980’s was the decade where I blossomed, both figuratively and literally, into a young woman.  Jimmy Carter was annihilated in the election by ol’ Ronny Reagan, and the Iran hostage crisis ended.  It was the decade of Oliver North on TV, Mr. Gorbachev tearing down that wall, MTV music videos, Rick James’ “Super Freak,” knickers, some seriously bad parachute pants, Jordache and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, neon, and George H. W. Bush saying, “Read my lips.  No new taxes.”

For me and for many other people, the ’80’s was a decade of longing – of longing for more and for better.  In my case, my “more and better” included huge, teased Odessa bangs, the unnecessary application of sticky, ooey-gooey, hair mousse, cans of aerosol hairspray, blue eyeshadow/eyeliner/mascara, and big hoop earrings.  For my parents, it meant trying new things, like cable TV and a new box called the VCR.

For me, the decade started with the end of elementary school where I awkwardly developed before anyone else.  After it happened, I was told that IT happens earlier if you are premature.  I didn’t really care about that fact.  I just didn’t want anyone to know.  That didn’t happen – a few girls told two friends; and, they told two friends; and, they told two friends – just like that shampoo commercial from the 70’s.  I was mortified, and my mom called the mom of the first talker that very day.  It didn’t matter because the word was out.

At the end of elementary school, I discovered boys.  I wasn’t really interested in them; but, it seemed like everyone else was, so I went along.  In fourth grade, one of the boys gave me a Valentine’s Day card that was addressed to Limpy Leg.  Guess who that was?  Me, who had the shorter right leg and a limp! His words hurt, and I told on him that day.  But, I was a fool because that very next day I became his girlfriend when he broke up with his on-and-off-again girlfriend.  As I said, I was a fool who wanted the attention of a boy, even a boy who was a creep, and my mom was not happy with me.

The middle school years came and went without too much fanfare, which is good, I suppose. I was an excellent student, a type A student who was a perfectionist. I worried about how I was perceived in school, so I tried really hard. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents or teachers, and when it came to grades, I didn’t. The day that I was chosen for the National Jr. Honor Society, my mother said she was so proud of me. The day that I forged a note for two friends to skip class, my parents were disappointed. The exact words were, “We are so disappointed in you” – said that clearly.

After those words were spoken, I strived to be on my best behavior. Frankly, it was pretty easy to be good because I liked church youth group, felt weird about partying, and really didn’t want to disappoint my parents. I had some great times with my church youth group. We would go to Cheddar’s every Sunday night and laugh like crazy while eating their huge chicken fried steak. I once was in a car with my church friends when the driver, and hence car, did a 360 on I-75 surrounded by a slew of cars. That was an adventure!

In school, I tried to be nice to everyone. From day one, my mom always stressed how important it was to be friendly to everyone, so I really tried to live those words. It didn’t matter what group someone belonged to – I tried to be nice. It was who I was, the nice girl, and I really was proud of that.  At age 13, my mom took 13, yes 13, of my closest girlfriends crammed into her long, white caddy to Chuck E Cheese where we sang at the top of our lungs, “Oh, Mickey, You’re So Fine.”  We thought we were pretty cool, albeit definitely not safe in that car of hers, and I just wanted everyone to know that I liked them.

My mom didn’t let me date until I was 16, and I was OK with that decision. I didn’t even really want to date. I found being on a date boring and nerve wracking because it was just the two of us. I was embarrassed because I didn’t know how to kiss, and I talked to my mom about it.  She came up with a great solution – not!  She suggested that I practice, of all things, with a pillow. Then, she handed me a pillow.  I’m blushing just thinking about it.  Ugh!

I don’t remember much about the TV shows that I liked, except I loved watching “The Thornbirds” and “Somewhere in Time” on Saturday afternoon cable TV. I remember spending more time listening to music, whether it was Madonna, Michael Jackson, Van Halen, John Cougar, the Clash, Duran Duran, Blondie, or Depeche Mode.  In the 1980’s, I saw New Kids on the Block, Bobby Brown, and Fleetwood Mac in concert.  I remember lots of movies, too – “The Breakfast Club” and  every other John Hughes movie, “Full Metal Jacket,” “Dirty Dancing,” “Top Gun,” and more.

In this decade, I was a cheerleader, choir member, friend, driver, “hawt metal mouth”, class clown, prom queen, homecoming queen nominee, and a pleaser who wore shoulder pads that made me look like I should have played football.  It’s as simple as that.